It has been a while hasnt it? I could write about things like what I got for christmas and what I have been doing but that is not interesting enough to stand the test of time so shall just get down to the nitty gritty of my mumblings...

I am rather tired, I have just done 3 consecutive days at work : 7-3, 8-4, 8-4 . I am not used to these early starts! I keep going to bed at silly hours too. Oh well. There is something rather mystical and special about walking the streets when it is still dark and you can't see a soul on the paths or the roads. I think I caught the sunrise yesterday as well, very nice it was too :)

I feel as if I am being rather blunt and unjovial in my tiredness so please forgive me. The past week, particularly the past 3 days or so have been rather eventful. I have been rather thoughtful on my travels to and from work and just before bed. I have kept thinking about deep seated things that provoke a feeling or reaction that I can't quite put my finger on and quantify.
Why just on the way home today I came up with a question. Now what was it?.... I think it was..... If you do something that somebody would not want you to do, but they don't know about it. Is it wrong? Particularly if the something they dont want you to do is irrational?

Ok. I think that has come out a bit complicated so I will use an example. Um.... How bout... If a person had a ball and did not want their friend to throw it against a wall in case it popped, would it be wrong to throw it against the wall in their presence? Well, I guess yes. No matter how irrational that fear is, it would upset the person. What about if the person wasn't there when you did it? If there was a strong chance of the ball popping, I would say yes again. It would be being careless with someone elses stuff. Now, what if you knew that there was no chance of the ball popping at all, and that they would never find out about it. Would that be wrong? Yes of course it wouldnt hurt them directly, but it would be a disregard for their wished no matter how absurd they might be. Does that make it wrong? Am I just being pernickety?

I appreciate that that is a rather random and abstract thing to be thinking about but I just thought it was interesting how such small things can change the morality of a situation. Don't ask me how I got on to the subject.... Oh wait. I know. I saw a guy in a car exaclty the same as keiths. Figuring that it was unlikely that two such unusual cars would exist in the same area I wondered if the guy driving it was his old boss from the garage just using the car to nip to sainsburies for some snacks whilst it was in for a service.

Ok I am just being babblingly random and boring now so i will move swiftly on...

I got my guitar on the 23rd I think and it is beautiful. I do love it and can acutally play some stuff on it! Simple stuff it is. All power chords and riffs but it is a start. All I really need is to learn a couple of barre chords and power chords without drop D and i am pretty much there. :D
I have just wrote two songs on guitar which is actually very easy to do. You dont even have to know what you are playing if you can wirte it doen in tab or remember it :) I wrote one which is ok about a camera man working on a film set of a movie goddess that he really wants. He thinks she is amazing when she is just a hyperreal bimbo and she thinks he is just a schmo (I love that word!) on a camera. Ok it doesnt sound that great but the cord progression isnt bad.

The second song is much better and has been in my head for a couple of days. I will put it on my writing stuff, I think this one is actually worth a look for a change! The lyrics are among my best if I do say so myself (although that may not be much hype!) and they song actually means something to me. I wont go on about it here but take a look. It is called (rather unimaginatively!) "Katie".

I am currently listening to my MP3 that took ages to decide on the colour with! This is only about my 3rd listen since I got a few days back. I love the fact that all of the music is just there neatly catalogued (after 4 hours lol). I can just choose a multitude of criteria like album, artist, playlist or genre and the correct ones of 1046 songs will play. Heaven :) The only problem I have now is that I have so many songs to choose from is that I want to change half way thorugh a song as I go "oooh I wonder what that one sounds like on this thing!". I still havent got the equaliser quite right yet either but i will eventually :)

Well. Despite thinking I had reams and reams to talk about my mind has gone blank. No doubt I will realise what I want to say at an inconvenient and obscure time! Ok then.

Bye bye for the moment

I figured I should probably write a real blog after that furious rampage. :)

I don't feel very tired despite the fact that it is 11.44pm and I have been on the go since about 9.00am. Probably from all that adrenaline rage!

Well, what has happened recently... oooh yes! I have ordered a guitar from the internet: a Ibanez Jet King JTK2. It is a beauty! I have never seen a guitar like it! I looked through this massive website full of all the guitars from major suppliers and stumbled across this hidden gem. The moment I saw it I went "wow that is gorgeous!". I then looked at the price and saw that I could actually afford it!

I have been toying with the idea of getting an electric guitar for a while. It has after all when I think about it, been my ultimate goal and desire to be able to play great rock guitar. I have always wanted (to quote an Athlete song) part of the rock scene. When I found a way in with Keith, Rick and Stuart in the band we had at HH I played rock guitar on the keyboard. I arrange muse songs on guitar on to my keyboard. I played drums on my keyboard and then learned the drums for real. I have nailed keyboard and drums to a reasonalbe level. I am almost there with bass too. If I could just learn a few scales I would be there.

But whenever I lose myself in dreams, especially when listening to music, I always want to be the frontwoman smashing away on guitar. There is something about a six string that bass only has somewhat. It makes you stand up stright, all powerful knowing that you have this amazing sonic weapon with which you can assault people with fantastic rocking riffs.

I just know that like drums and certainly bass, I have the will, passion and determination to teach myself guitar. I have already taught myself the simple drums and the slightly trickier bass. Now I have a new tougher challenge. Chords I can tell will always be difficult. 4 strings I can handle but it gets difficult to control so finely a pick (which I find difficult to use) across 6 strings of which two I forget the tuning of. I know however that if and when I do master guitar, it will be the best and most liberating musical thing I have ever done.

I can just see it now... dead star not on keyboard, not on drums, not on bass..... but guitar.... The best and most satisfying part of all... yes!

Oh my god my guitar is soooooo coooooooooool!!!

I will try and find a wasy to get a picture on here because it is just stunning :)

It should arrive in 1 or two weeks! :)

Hell you will know when it is arrived! I will be so hyper :D :D :D :D :D



Ok.

Calm down Charlotte.

Phew.

Other news today. I took my General Studies mock exam today : Unit one Arts, media and...culture and.... summat.

The first questions were pretty stupid. You read a passage and then answer 25 ambiguous multiple choice questions in which, frankly the answers seem to be a matter of opinion. The second part was good though. You have 4 essays to choose from and I did about ID cards.

I tried to be objective but in te end I just got all bitter and said that they are just a horrendously expensive PR campaign by the government. It did say outline your own views or somehitng along those lines but I am not sure that that was what they were looking for.

Still. It was actually quite enjoyable. Roll on French paper! How I have missed you....

[n.b. I found a way to put piccies on :) isn't it pretty?] 3rd Jan

I feel compelled to post another blog right after my last one as I just realised that I actually have quite a bit of stuff I wanna waffle about. Hmmm, what shall I start with?

Oh yeah. I am really loving this blog. I'm loving it haha! I actually really enjoy reading some of my stuff back to myself. Ii is a little disheartening to find that I write a better blog than anything else though. Lol! I seem to have effortlessly impronted my true self and feelings on to this blog without sounding incredibly obnoxious or paranoid. Although I now kinda feel both haha! Now that is irony.... Ooooh I am really not sure now. I am thinking to myself 'hmmm, your other musings have sounded ok. Not too self obsessed, just a normal girl with a diary. But what if I am wrong? I bet I sound like a right prat now banging on about how ace I am at writing when all my stuff has been self important shite.'

I have just had one of those little thought moments when you realise something that is hard to put into words. Well. I assume everybody has those lol. The best way of putting it is..... sometimes I have a fuzzy optimistic glow inside of me when aomething pleases me. And that glow promotes an undying optimism and so belief that something will happen when it has anything from little to no chance of happening. And THAT is what drives me.

It makes so much sense! Oooooh an epiphany! I am all excited now like I have fathomed my psyche! Thank goodness it was now so I can write it down! I am well aware that this is probably of little importance or sense to you but....

There is something that I can only describe as an unnamed emotion that all things that drive me and please me set off. Its like every time it is activated a massive squirt of happy juice is realeased around my brain. I feel it when I play, listen or think about music, when I dream about anything I would wish would really happen (like banging out that mind bending solo just like Matt Bellamy on a Jackson Soloist in front of millions of people), think about my aspirations, get creative and write something, when I have one of those dreams that you never want to wake up from, when I have a really big and wonderful think about myself and my life, when I have a really insightful and revealing deep chat with a friend, whenever I achieve something I am massively proud of, when I go for a drive through the country letting my imagination run wild, when I go to a naturally magical and beuatiful place...... Wow. Just thinking about the things I love to do is setting it off! Hey. That is like a list of all the things that make me happy! Cool.

This is really going somewhere now.... but I have lost my train of thought.......oh yes.

You could call it happiness, but I don't think that is exactly what it is. It is more a feeling of endless possibility, stimulating, provoking me to do something whether it be to lose myself in imagination or go out there and achieve something. Damn I am getting so pumped up now! I wanna get out there and take on the world! At the same time it is a wonderful feeling that I don't want to fade. That is why I can have undying optimism and belief because then I can keep this emotion alive. That is why I love The Corrs.... it really brings out this feeling. Their music makes me think about intense feeling and big, sweeping open spaces....

This is exactly the feeling that I have been lacking recently and I didn't even realise! This feeling was constant when I had that big obsessional infatuation several years ago. That is why it was so intense.... Right. I know what to do now! I will do those things I listed, make myself content and ambitious and ready to go.

World. You don't know what is going to hit you! I can feel that I am gonna get back in the zone and not come out for a long time! Come on Charlotte. You can blitz it! Wooo!

Sod the rest of this post, I was only going to ramble on about work and shit like that. I have beter things to do!