Again I feel I should write a proper post after going off on one lol.

I have had an interesting few days to say the least. I am still going to bed at stupid hours and then rising grogilly but now I have enterd a massive cannot be bothered state that is starting to alram me.

Like everybody I of course can sometimes not be bothered to do some stuff but this is something else. I usually just procrastinate and think "ah well I will do it at so and so time....." but now I am not even thinking of consequences and planning ahead, I am just not bothering to do stuff.

Take the exams on Wednesday. I ran out of time on both of them. Not badly, I had got nearly everything down I needed but I didn't write conclusions for either exams. The last one I actually got stopped in mid sentence! This has never happened to me before and is worrying me. I sat in the exam room daydreaming, sitting for minutes at a time doing nothing. I lacked that sense of urgency and importance that you usually have in exams. Perhaps my complacency has finally caught up with me...

It does worry me even though they were just resits that I could have done without but hell they were the easy ones!

I guess I know what it is like not to be able to focus like so many other people. I just sat there thinking "Yes! I can go home in an hour!" and then daydreaming about what I was going to do, oblivious to the fact that I was way behind.

I feel I should write more but it is getting too daunting....

On a lighter note, I have started doing really spontaneous and nice things. On Thursday I walked on down to school to pick up some English stuff for my exam. On the way back something just compelled me to take the long and ardous way home through the woods...

I do love Shaw Wood. It has all that magic that a wood should have: the wonder of so many living things crammed into one space, peace and quiet and most of all, a sense of mystery. There are a few paths that lead out of the woods that I cannot for the life of me work out where they go and how they possibly can. The wood is also so big that you can walk for 20 minutes find that you hit a dead end and have to go back. Very cool. Like a mini adventure....

Anyway. I dont not know why I was compelled to lengthen my walk home and cause my already saw heels to develop blisters but I went anyway. I decided that I would rest on a bench that rests by a pond at the edge of the woods overlooking a field on one side and seemingly endless trees on the other. I have come to like that spot after finding it with Tina one day when exploring. I dont think I have ever seen another soul whilst sat on that bench.... I found the bench and sat donw to read my papers I had got from school...

Before I knew it I had given up on the English and layed out on this little wooden bean of a bench, looking at the beautiful pattern of the canopy. I switched my MP3 player onto the playlist "beautiful" and listened to the most subtle, delicate and delightful song I believe I own: "Time Enough For Tears". I just lost myself in the sky and the words of the beautiful song.

#"Lets read the trees and their autumn leaves as they fall like a dress undone....."#

I had a moment of perfection when everything was beautiful. By the end of the song. It was like Andrea Corr was stood by me, speaking the final whispered words in to my ear.... "I know....Its ok....Its ok....."

I walked home in a meditative daze with a smile on my face. A beautiful moment to remember....

I have a feeling I had some things to talk about, but again I have forgotten what they were hehe! I will just make it up as I go along as usual then...

Oooh! I have joined a poetry club on another log and it is ace! Which reminds me. I need to make a link to that page...done :) Haha! HTML how you try to elude me... I just copy and paste the bits into the code hahaha! HTML is one of the only things that I would like to learn but really cannot be bothered. Oh well. What do I need HTML for anyway? I would only spend an age playing with the colours [see the post on choosing my MP3 player!] and I can already kindof do that already. Just change the numbers till it looks nice :P.

I went to see "Big Sam" today and was surprised to find out that first Sam is a she and second that I already met her when the store was getting assessed. More boring than expected but we had a nice chat about me and gapbusters and stuff and I got a free coffee :) can't complain!

I've got smileyitus today! I can't stop using them! or !s either!

Ok. Just step back Charlotte. We are back into the Nights who say Ni again....

Ok lol. Um, what else?

Oh yeah. I got the DVDs I ordered from the Play.com sale - a fun looking kung fu film spoof and a Corrs documentary/gig DVD. I looked forward to watching the documentary and I enjoyed watching it. It has given me a new ear on their music as I understand more now what some of the songs are about. The pictures of the early Corrs were really quite funny if a little tragic haha! I just cannot get Jim with his curtains and geek glasses or Andrea body popping with masses of 80s hair in leggings complete with belt. Oh mercy....

On the other hand the DVD kindof made me have a short lapse into that depressed stint I had the other day. Watching them travel around the world having a whale of a time has made me wonder if I should have pursued a career in music. I know I am only 18 and have the world at my feet but I wonder what life can have in store for me. Will I continue to live a sheltered and inextrodinary life? Will I finally take some risks and do something exciting? Will I really become a journalist or will I get tired of working a cruddy local paper before I get anywhere good with my careeer? Will I actually make a good journalist at Uni? Will I end up taking the safe option and do a post graduate in teaching? Will I be crap at that too? Lord knows I am useless in positions of authority, I just want to cut everyone some slack and bend the rules in their favour.

And what about the other side of life? Will I ever find anybody special? Will I have kids? Will I regret having/not having 1/2/9 children?

I know I really shouldnt worry so far into the future but I often find it so daunting. Sometimes I feel ready for anything and secure that whatever happens I can be happy. But equally I somtimes find uncertainty quite overbearing. I am not usually one for expecting "what ifs..." but right now I am quite scared. I know that a lot of changes are about to happen very fast and fast change makes me uncomfortable for some time before I get used to the status quo.

Oh well. Enough of that.

Oh yeah and I think the end of The Corrs is nigh. I have been getting a vibe from them for a while like they are winding things up and crafting what they are doing to gradually come to a neat end. The release of a complete history of their story on DVD, the release of an album called "Home" that they "went back to their roots" on, the very quick 6 month turnaround between recording their last two albums.... the fact that they only released 3 songs from their last album... the fact that 3 of the 4 of them are now married and expecting....

It would seem like the perfect time for them to say goodbye I guess. They have achieved so much I don't think they could have many more goals to aim for. Plus they have been at it for 15 years and some are now pushing 40.

I really hope they release some more stuff for the fans and ignore chart success but I doubt that will happen. It seemed like they were saying a very gentle goodbye at the end of the DVD with comments such as "Was that our last tour? Maybe."

Ah, how I will miss your music. I am so glad I got to see them live on their last tour! Still. I have 3 great gig DVDs and 6 albums to keep on enjoying. If indeed this is goodbye, I salute you Corrs! You have brought much joy, talent and improbable good looks to the chart!

I'm listening to The Corrs at the moment......ahhhh they are so great. Such a shame that people regard them as nice pop fluff on the back of the rock scene. They are subtle genius I am telling you!

Aside from being an imprbably good looking family, they have shed fulls of talent. 'Sure' you may think, 'but they are nothing special'. That is their genius! At first glance (or listen even!) they are nice pop songs that are throwaway and utterly forgettable. On some levels this is true. Their singles tend to be the least spectacular off their albums as I have found. Their most successful record - 'Breathless' is in my opinion their weakest song ever. For some reason their best stuff is forgotten or worse ignored (like the remarkable 'Only When I Sleep' or 'Forgiven not Forgotten') .But underneath that, particularly in their lesser known songs there lurks a shimmering beauty. Their second album "Talk on Corners" is absaloutely AMAZING! The lyrics are like poetry, the music is incredibly original (a funk, electro, celtic instrumental no less!) and so layered that after years of listening to their stuff I still hear new parts most times. It has to be the only album of ballads that can hold my attention fully.

They have an art of making the impossible sound easy and even to the untrained ear - boring. Take one of their more well know records for example: 'What Can I do'. It sounds like a guy on guitar and a set of drums. But there is so much more going on when you listen carefully - a string quartet,a single violin, a gentle yet funky bass, at least two synths, a piano, an overdubbed second electro drum kit and a quiet yet perfect 3 part harmony. I wish I could do that! I don't think I could think parts for all of those instruments let alone fit them all in without making the song sound crowded. The notes they actually play on all instruments are played thoughtlessly and without effort but I have tried and they are bloody impossible!

All of this coupled with originality, evolution, a sense of romanticism and Andreas voice (also understated, her range is massive!) make them magical. I only hope more people discover them in time. It should be compulsory for everybody to listen to 'Only When I Sleep' before professing to like music :)

Ok. Worshipping session over. Whew.

Other news today: I really do not photograph well. I have always assumed that it was just me and that I could not pose without looking stupid. After experimentation with my camera phone I can now honestly say that it is not my fault but that of cameras everywhere!

I was looking at my reflection in the mirror and thought "I look ok, I should get around to taking a picture of myself" because I always end up needing one for some reason or another. I hold the phone up to take a picture of myself, I look at what I have taken. It is hideous.

I figured I had just taken it badly so I realxed, looked normal and tried again. Even more appalling.

I figured that I must just be that ugly but then I glanced at my reflection again. As I have said before I ain't a basket of fruit! But I certainly was not anywhere near as putrecent as the camera was making me. So I thought I would use the mirror as a control.

I stood in front of the mirror, I looked just fine. Even my expression was not one of confusion or rabid teeth baring like it usually is. I take the picture again. I look like I am stood in a chuffing wind tunnel with my face appearing to be streched at a painful and unatural angle.

What the hell is going on?! I ask myself. Right. This time I am going to check it is not just me. I stood in front of the mirror careful to see that the angle and lighting displayed on the camera are the same that I can see in the mirror. This time I look at the mirror and not the camera so I can see exactly what I will look like on the photo.

Still looking at the mirror looking fine I take the shot. I look down at the camera and I look like some pixie has hacked at my face with a chisel.

I have not the faintest idea what happens between my face and the camera but I could swear somebody somewhere has cursed me to look bloody awful on all photographs everywhere! There are about 2 photographs of me in the whole world that I think look nice. Now I know it is not just me but the cameras!