Dear God,
Sorry to bother you. I am sure you are rather busy with running the universe and imprinting your likeness upon toast and such, but I feel that I should bring a matter to your attention.
The weather has broken. This is proving somewhat of an inconvenience as I am sure you can imagine. For the past few days I have been rather confused as to the frequent and alarming changes in our meteological status, causing me to be rather inapropriately dressed several times a day.
Why just the other day I went outside and the sun was shining gloriously so I felt that I should just take a cardigan and put on some shades. When I got outside however I found that it was actually a little chilly. Within the next hour gales were furiously blustering in the opposite direction of wherever I was travelling. It was then that things got even stranger. It started snowing! This is unusual in itself for March but there was barely a cloud in the sky! I could barely even see for the sun despite my glasses and yet it was snowing, and then hailing on me.
Sun, snow, hills and cold gave the situation a pleasant Alps feel, but really should you defy your own rules of physics so blatently? (Please don't smite me)
It soon stopped snowing and I went home. I stood next to the window admiring the glorious sunny view of Eastern Sheffield and glanced down for all of 5 seconds at a leaflet I was perusing. When I glanced up it was as black as night and a full scale blizzard had unfolded! This I also found rather unusual as I could see that a mile across the valley it was a lovely day with not a cloud in the sky. This is not the only mysterious black cloud to come and go without warning:
I have begun to wonder whether I have done something to anger you. Is it because I ridiculed the time you appeared on that crisp on www.Anonova.com ? Sorry about that.
Sunday was also an odd day. In the time it took to drive to Birmingham (which may I say you really could do with looking at the roads in the city centre. Very confusing!), we had suffered gales, blinding and scorching sun, hail, sleet, snow and a ten minute burst of torrential rain. My friend's Dad Allen phoned up to say that they had to abandon their canoeing trip and rush home before they became stuck in the blizzard that had descended upon them!
I do not wish to tell you how to do your job, but thought that I might make these following suggestions. You know how important customer satisfaction is these days, you don't want to be losing your customers to other providers who provide warmer climes (I hear the man downstairs will keep you really toasty for a single non-refundable transaction).
- Please give 4 hours of notice before any drastic change in weather. Perhaps announce in your booming voice "This is a public announcment from God. Please ensure you all carry a brolley if you are going out this afternoon". If you couldn't be bothered you could get Patrick Stewart on a really big loudspeaker. I bet he sounds pretty similar.
- Give Paul the Weatherman the ability to get the forecast right at least 50% of the time. I know your game. You just like to make us believe that it will be sunny so you can watch is all get wet and snigger at us. Thats really quite mean you know.
- Perhaps if you moved Britain to the equator then the weather would be easier to predict. A few miles off Brazil would be nice.
Yours Sincerely,
A concerned Citizen
