I am putting off finishing this media essay really badly. I have done half a page and it is 11.10pm. Sigh.

I am in the mood for writting a song but can't let myself as I have to be up early tommorow. Why does inspiration strike at such inconvenient times? I can see it now....a big epic ballad with heavy riff intervals about denied pasion or...something. Hey, wait a minute I just did one of those..... I think I found my niche!

After listening to Winamp I am beginning to realise just how amazing some of the music I have is. Right now I am listening to "Venice Queen" by the RHCP. Somehow they have managed to write an acoustic/funk/epic/rock ballad. Wow. Before that I listened to Garbage - "Cup of coffee" oooh that string quartet is so sharp and dissonant but it all somehow falls in to tonal place..... and "Silence is Golden" when the rockin part switches from 6/8 to 4/4. God Garbage are so fucking cool.

Maybe one day I could write something that good. No Charlotte. One day you will if you could just do something about it. Jeez I know the best bassist anywhere, a good guitarist, kat who is coming along on the drums and then there is me on vocals/kb/piano/bass/drums if required and I still have not gotten together to write any damn stuff with anyone else!

I do work best on my own when it comes to lyrics though.... and I kinda have to do the melody at the same time..... so the chords are pretty much static at that point.... and by that point i have an idea of how all the parts sound.....hehe. I guess I can't write with other people. I can't compromise when it comes to creativity. Everything must be just so.

I can never decide whether I am really quite good and I don't share it with anyone or tragically self important in a big teenage cliched mess. Meh. I prefer not knowing!

Teenage not for much longer though. Wierd. I don't think I am looking forward to being older. I normally don't like the thought of being another year. It makes me think of all the time passed and all the things I haven't done yet that maybe I should have done.

That reminds me. I had a great talk with Kat the other day about our love lives. We worked out that in our circle of 8 friends, almost everybody had gone out with each other, or liked each other, or more! So crazy.... We both told each other more than we normally do. I think we kinda freaked each other out a bit. I know I said something I may live to regret. Damn. I told myself it was nicer if I didn't say anything but...no. Oh well. The older I get the less important it seems but every now and again.... something sets it off and I remember properly and it all comes back.

Have you ever had a dream where you feel something ultra-mega-massively intense? I don't know if it is just me but I keep having dreams of extremes. Sometimes I just feel an emotion so massively in a dream that I can't get it out of my head. Luckily it is normally good. I must seem a bit wierd though when I am floating around school in a bizarre state of mind. You know. When you wake up and realise that it was all just a dream but you keep going over it and feeling that emotion. Still.....The most fear, saddness and pure contentedness I have ever felt has been in dreams. Hey thats a poetic line for you.... you need to dream to feel alive. I might use that!

Now I have reminded myslef of the horrible sharp implement and bloody death in front of many innocent young children nightmare I had.... *shiver* that was awful. There has to be some deep seated meaning in a dream that horrific. I don't wanna think about it.

Wow. I have rambled on today haven't I? I feel much better now. I think I needed to have a good ramble. Well I am sure this will make interesting reading in several years or indeed for any friends that decide to follow the link from my MSN page. Hehe. Sorry for freaking you out guys!