I have a book here I bought called "Wit" full of dang funny quotes - you know how I love my quotes :)

I just have to write down a few that made me laugh out for a considerable time whilst sat alone. Maybe its just my obscure sense of humour but I find these truly hilarious!

"The harpsichord sounds like two skeletons copulating on a corrugated tin roof" - Thomas Beecham

"Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face" - Dave Barry

"A woman went to a surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a labotomy" - Joan Rivers

"Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favourite food is seconds" - Joan Rivers

"McDonalds in Tokyo is a terrible revenge for Pearl Harbour" - S.I. Hayakawa

"She did have an illegitimate cacy once but it was only a little one" - Frederick Marryat

" 'Hello' he lied" - Roobert Maxwell

"Jogging is for people not intelligent enough to watch Breakfast Television" - Victoria Wood

"The draft is white people sending black people to fight yellow people to protect the country they stole from red people." - James Rado

"Hearing a nuns confession is like being stoned to death with popcorn" - Fulton J. Sheen

"I have just invented an anti-gravity machine. It's called a chair." - Richard Feynman

"My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetary, people would stop dying" - Ed Furgol